Human nature.

Sometimes I wonder if I really am missing out by not being a follower of Christ.

Don’t panic, I’m not pulling a 180, but sometimes I seriously wonder if my restlessness or feeling of unfocused desire is the result of an unfulfilled spirit.

Would I be happier if..?
Would I be in a lasting, rewarding relationship if..?
Would I be less lost if..?
Would I have avoided that hail storm if..?

I can rag on Christianity and organized religion all. day. This article drove me up the wall. Campus Crusade for Christ? I might be questioning my spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof) but I certainly don’t want it to be shoved down my throat any time soon. Cynicism aside, I am really fascinated by some of my college peers and the way they have chosen to live their lives.

…and by how happy they seem. Take Burke and Jill. Incredible couple. Gorgeous, successful, motivated and enthusiastic about life. They live in South America for crying out loud. Jill was my classmate in college and even before I knew her she was one of those people I locked in on because there was something about her, some bright confidence, some well-harnessed power, that made me believe that SHE knew what she was doing in life.

**Reasons why I am not Jill:

1. If I started to feel restless and stuffy on my day of rest I would probably a) consult the internet b) watch Netflix or damnit at the very least c) pour myself a couple big glasses of wine and ride the buzz ’til it was a decent hour to go to sleep

2. ..do I really have to go on? You get the idea.

Could be that she was raised well. Could be she isn’t plagued by the seemingly innocuous insecurities and anxieties about self worth that I seem to be troubled by sometimes (more often than not). Or is she just really confident that whoever the hell she believes in up there.. really is looking out for her? ..and that her belief actually makes a difference?

I’m not sold.

Maybe instead of a god to believe in I just need to blog more.
..and I’m totally serious about that.

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One thought on “Human nature.

  1. There are times when I too think that maybe believers have it easier, but I wonder if believing something I know to be false would really help me. How would consciously deluding myself improve me psychologically?

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